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| Woman Sitting in a Chair by Henri Matisse (1926) |
"Immediately he made the disciples get into the boat and go on ahead to the other side,
while he dismissed the crowds.
And after had had dismissed the crowds, he went up the mountain by himself to pray.
When evening came, he was there alone," (Matthew 14:22-23)
For Lent this year, I am considering these short verses from the Gospel of Matthew. I want to explore the faces I meet in the crowd - not the exterior crowd, but the interior crowd of heart and soul.
It feels a bit splintering to consider that there is an inner crowd within - who all want their say. I make a move towards silence and as soon as it grows quiet - there's the crowd. Sometimes I avoid prayer and silence because of what begins to happen when I slow down. It's much easier to get distracted by an errand or a tv show or the laundry.
The face in the crowd I see today is that aspect of me that tries to live life without depending on anyone else. The can-do, self-sufficient, "I don't need anyone" attitude. This face in a crowd is a friendship wrecker and lives armored up. To give too much attention to this face in the crowd means I'll go through life without letting myself be known. Life would be drained of color without the gifts of friendship and community. The truth is, I do depend on others for acceptance and friendship. I can't step into honest prayer as long as I'm holding on to the idea that I can handle life without needing other people. It's a stingy way to live.
In sitting with the "Woman Sitting in a Chair" by Henri Matisse, I see a woman who is facing the viewer, but turning to hide herself and her heart.
Today's vista & prayer:
- In what ways do you rely on your own self-sufficiency and "I don't need anyone" attitude? Are those foreign or familiar to you?
- How does Matisse's painting speak to you?
- We pray: Jesus, long ago you dismissed the crowd to be alone with God. Dismiss the part of me that insists on trying to go through life without depending on others. Keep calling me towards friendship with you and others so I might be known. Draw me into your presence. Amen.
